Rob Ford Poetry, Volume II

There once was a fellow named Rob
Whose comportment made his colleagues sob
He smoked crack cocaine
His excuses were lame
Yet he still could not lose his job

There once was a mayor named Ford
Who to the whole media implored
“I did not do drugs,
but what are these bugs
crawling all over my gourd?!!?”

Toronto is ruled by a mayor
Who’s known as a big spending slayer
In a drunken stupor
He committed a blooper
And eventually fell out of favour


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Rob Ford Poetry, Volume I

Happy Birthday Former Mayor Rob Ford

A fellow we know as Rob Ford

Toronto's Former Mayor smoking crack

By very few folks is adored
It’s the day of his birth
We are stunned by his girth
In his time many drugs he has scored

He was born to the west of Toronto
From downtown not a very long jaunt-o
He resembles a thug
Like his brother named Doug
Who’s as loyal and trusty as Tonto

Rob was born in to privilege and money
As a youth he was quick as a bunny
But he put on some weight
Lots of groceries he ate
And today he's so fat it's not funny

His father had served at Queen’s Park
Where he didn't make much of a mark
Meanwhile Robbie and Doug
Earned much cash selling drug
And they never got nailed by a narc

Rob played football a lot as a teen
For a shot at the pros he was keen
But he didn’t succeed
So he puffed on some weed
Though today he insists he is clean

As a Councillor, then as a Mayor
Rob became a political player
But his style and his denseness
And growing immenseness
Soon made him a Bozo portrayer

Today his career’s in the dumper
How he took it this far is a stumper
His support’s running thin
No one’s buying his spin
As each day he appears to get plumper

So let’s wish Happy Birthday to Rob
Who incredibly still has his job
But if soon he must quit
When considered unfit
He can always find work with the mob