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Rob Ford Poetry, Volume II

There once was a fellow named Rob
Whose comportment made his colleagues sob
He smoked crack cocaine
His excuses were lame
Yet he still could not lose his job

There once was a mayor named Ford
Who to the whole media implored
“I did not do drugs,
but what are these bugs
crawling all over my gourd?!!?”

Toronto is ruled by a mayor
Who’s known as a big spending slayer
In a drunken stupor
He committed a blooper
And eventually fell out of favour

Want to make and share your own? Make your own funny Rob Ford poetry and share it below in the comments.

Rob Ford Poetry, Volume I

Happy Birthday Former Mayor Rob Ford

A fellow we know as Rob Ford
Toronto's Former Mayor smoking crack

By very few folks is adored
It’s the day of his birth
We are stunned by his girth
In his time many drugs he has scored

He was born to the west of Toronto
From downtown not a very long jaunt-o
He resembles a thug
Like his brother named Doug
Who’s as loyal and trusty as Tonto

Rob was born in to privilege and money
As a youth he was quick as a bunny
But he put on some weight
Lots of groceries he ate
And today he's so fat it's not funny

His father had served at Queen’s Park
Where he didn't make much of a mark
Meanwhile Robbie and Doug
Earned much cash selling drug
And they never got nailed by a narc

Rob played football a lot as a teen
For a shot at the pros he was keen
But he didn’t succeed
So he puffed on some weed
Though today he insists he is clean

As a Councillor, then as a Mayor
Rob became a political player
But his style and his denseness
And growing immenseness
Soon made him a Bozo portrayer

Today his career’s in the dumper
How he took it this far is a stumper
His support’s running thin
No one’s buying his spin
As each day he appears to get plumper

So let’s wish Happy Birthday to Rob
Who incredibly still has his job
But if soon he must quit
When considered unfit
He can always find work with the mob


Exit Polls show Stephen Harper's campaign hurt by association with Rob Ford

The Ford brothers’ rallying for Stephen Harper’s election campaign drove potential GTA voters away from the Conservative Party more than the Duffy trial did, exit polling has determined.

“It was clearly a mistake to be seen with the Fords,” pollster Greg Lyle explained on Tuesday. “It didn’t really rally the base, it pushed away swing voters. Not a good move.”

His firm, Innovative Research, conducted polling over the four days following the election, asking voters if certain factors in each party’s campaign made them more or less likely to lend their support.

Each factor was assigned a score: the percentage of voters who said it made them more likely to vote for the party, minus the percentage of those who said less likely. The more positive the number, the better that factor played, the more negative the number, the worse.

The poll also identified each party’s set of swing supporters — the voters who'd been on the fence before Election Day.

Among the Conservative’s swing voters, Harper’s appearance at an Oct. 17 event organized by Rob and Doug Ford earned a net score of -33 per cent. It proved the most overwhelmingly negative factor for swing voters regardless of issue or party.

The Duffy trial scored -30 per cent.

Lyle said the information should discourage politicians from buddying up with the Fords in the future. But, he’s not sure how closely they’ll take heed.

“It’s pretty clear the Ford brothers are the third rail of Canadian politics right now. But they never quit, I mean they just keep coming,” he said.

The Conservatives had a string of negative scores on the major factors in their campaign, boosting the argument they ran a poor campaign.

“Harper’s campaigning” itself was a net negative for swing voters (-11 per cent), as was the “Conservatives' advertising” (-26 per cent).

The party’s niqab stance was a net positive (23 per cent). The promise to introduce a “barbaric cultural practices” tip line, however, tipped negative (-2 per cent).

“That divided swing voters,” Lyle said about the tip line.

The Liberal Party, meanwhile, had only positives scores.

The promised “tax cuts for middle class/increase for high earners” earned a 56 per cent, followed closely by “Trudeau’s campaign” (55 per cent) and “Trudeau’s debate performance” (51 per cent).

As for the NDP, its plan to raise corporate taxes was the most positive factor among its swing voters (47 per cent), while the only negative was the party’s place in the polls (-8% per cent).

Above: The most hated Canadian Prime Minister shakes hands with Toronto's most hated mayor.

Rob Ford has tumour in his bladder and in excruciating pain

Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford is in "excruciating pain" and a new tumour has been found on his bladder, brother Doug Ford says.

Ford's medical team at Mount Sinai Hospital discovered the tumour after Ford, 46, was hospitalized for several days last week with abdominal pain, a statement released by his office on Wednesday said. The Etobicoke councillor is at home now, but is expected to return to hospital tomorrow.

"I've never seen him in this much pain," said an emotional Doug Ford.

Doctors have yet to determine if Ford's tumour is new, or if it's potentially related to the abdominal liposarcoma he was diagnosed with last year.

"At this time, we are still awaiting testing results to determine if it is related to the previous growths, as well as whether it is malignant," the statement from Ford's office said.

Ford will get additional treatments to deal with the tumour, though the statement didn't specify what type.

Ford also tweeted, saying he's "optimistic" he'll recover.

"Councillor Ford and his family wish to extend their continued gratitude for the thoughts, prayers, and support that they have received during this difficult time," the statement said.

Doug Ford said the new tumour came out of left field and was a major blow to his brother's morale.
"It's tough right now," he said.

Years of over-eating, drinking lots of hard liquor, drunken stupors, and smoking crack cocaine can leave a person riddled with cancer in multiple locations. Hopefully Torontonians learn from this lesson, don't ruin your body like Rob Ford did.

Update: November 8th

Rob Ford actually has TWO tumours in his bladder, both are believed to be cancerous.

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